How GLEE killed my love life

It's all Glee's fault. I'll spit it out: I'm dissatisfied. How come nobody expresses their deep love for me by bursting out into song? How come none of the guys I know have six packs? Or ask me out on a date (I promise we can go dutch-- having dudes pay for my meals makes me feel like a prostitute anyway)? How come romance has disintegrated into late-night drunken ramblings and waking up after three weeks of partying to find yourself somebody's girlfriend? It's like nobody is interested in impressing each other anymore. There's no drama, nothing really at stake. "Let's keep things lax." Once a girl, trying to ask me how long I'd been sleeping with my partner, asked me, "How long have you guys been hanging out?" I didn't really understand what she meant.

I was complaining about this to some of my girlfriends when one of them, clearly agitated, told me to shut the fuck up, "Even I came onto you." I was embarrassed. I wanted to tell her that trying to sext me while she was drunkenly trying to hook up with a guy I know wasn't incredibly settling and didn't make me feel particularly special, but instead I just sat there like a moron and shrugged.

I've thought about this a lot. I've considered the fact that perhaps the fact that I'd like somebody to make me feel "special" means that I rely too much on other people to feel good about myself. I ruled that one out because I believe the desire for romance has come from a deep-seeded understanding that I am pretty cool and deserve someone who would be down with frolicking with me and staring into my eyes and, if you're going to puke on my stuff while I'm asleep, at least you can offer to wash the stuff you puked on the day after-- not that that's happened to me or anything... with two different guys.

I've also considered the fact that maybe my 10-year-old-boy sense of humor turns guys off to the idea of asking me out, then I read this study and was relieved to find that men actually like women who have "guy humor"-- whatever the fuck that is! Therefore, the fact that I am disarmingly funny cannot be the reason why Finn won't ask me to prom.

The fact of the matter is-- at least according to me-- that everyone's trying to turn each other on instead of actually attempting to get close to a person. Being in love is boring, idealistic and, ultimately, disappointing. Yes, it sucks. Time and time again it really sucks. You get close to a person and the next thing you know you're daydreaming about singing Adele to him in a crusty smoky bar so that, you know, he could finally understand just how much he hurt you.

To me, it's all worth it. To me, it's exciting to think about the perfect present for him, the perfect meal to surprise him with, something new to do to turn him on. Maybe people simply don't realize how vulnerable you feel doing these things for them, maybe they don't care, but I'm still waiting for the day that I fall for someone who won't express their feelings solely via text. Someone who remembers my coffee order, the way Blaine remembered Kurt's.