i'm alright, baby. i've seen all the demons that you've got.

this weekend, in chronological order:
- lost the last marble
- got my heart ripped out of my chest and shit on
- was able to talk myself down from doing what i wanted to do, which was to wreck havoc. sat on a couch and actually meditated while everyone else around me was wrestling and yelling. i was really proud of myself for about 30 seconds until...
- threw up on myself
- realized that people like me
- didn't do the "bad" thing and fuck someone
- got called "cute", which makes me feel a lot safer than being called "hot" and in this instance made my face contort into a smile
- gave myself permission to lick my wounds

i feel like i should write all this down on my hand so i can remember it easier. there is something deep and meaningful to be learned from all this, i just can't pinpoint what that is yet.